you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
