the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
