Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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