Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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