pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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