When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
