It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
