I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
