Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
