a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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