Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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