then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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