i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
