wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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