Cold hands, warm shart.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
