He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
