I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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