You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
