Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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