we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
