Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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