Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
