just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
