I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
