just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
