A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
please come you make the beer taste better
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
