Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
