I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
