yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
