I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
