please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
