Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
