forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
