I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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