my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
