If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
