Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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