I feel great
I just peed on a car
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
