Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
