i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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