my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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