Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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