my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
