This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
