My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
