the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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