I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
