My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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