She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Of course I have a pirate flag
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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