is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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