U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
